Good by early 30s...

Today is officially my last day as a 34-year-old.

I don't even know why it matters to me, I've never looked at my birthday that way before but for some reason turning 35 seems to bring with it a whole new mentality. Maybe it's time for me to be mature, settle down and focus on what is important in life.

By "settle down" I mean put aside my childish mentality, my selfish "Me, ME, ME!!!" way of thinking and start thinking about how my actions affect those around me.



35 sounds old. It sounds like an age where you should be secure in your life and have a wonderful daily routine. It sounds like an age where my house should look a certain way and have a certain feel. Our house feels cluttered and blah. We've never had an interior designer help us and it certainly isn't "mature" the way it feels when I visit my friend's homes.

If I'm lucky enough to live to be 70 this means I'm HALFWAY THROUGH MY LIFE!

Fuck.

That's a lot of living to pack into another 35 years. And yet this first 35 have gone by so quickly.

Is this my midlife crisis?? Is there a hot young gardener in my future? BAH! I have a hard enough time with Big Daddy I couldn't imagine having to worry about keeping a hot young stud on the side.

But seriously, I feel like I have ONE LAST DAY to get my shit together and grow up.

I just looked around the dungeon and realized it's gonna take a whole lot more than one day to clean this place up. Or change my life.

I guess it starts with this one day.

My final day in my early 30s. From here on in, I'll be in my mid-30s. If I died tomorrow, Lynda Steele would be reading from her anchor desk at Global TV saying, "A woman in her mid-thirties was killed today after falling into a wood chipper. Her husband claims to have found her that way."

Fuck. Me.

Mid-thirties sounds like I should be much more polished and mature than I am.

I don't know, people... Maybe I should just embrace the A5-35 rub and roll with it.

I'll let you know how it goes.

t.

Dear Santa,
I have been a bad girl this year. I haven’t been able to get out to see all of our
advertisers this year so if you could do me a HUGE favour and bring them something extra special, I would be forever in your debt.

Thanks in advance!

Tamara Plant
Publisher, MOM Magazine

Dear Tamara,
You’re right, you have been a bad girl! But I see here the biggest reason you’re on the naughty list is that you have failed to do any laundry, make supper or clean your house. Shame on you. So, my answer to your request to thank your advertisers is a big no!! Get your act together before my big night or all of the advertisers will get a big lump of coal with your name on it!

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Santa

Hey you fat bastard!
I already know that I have been slacking off around my house and I do NOT need you to point it out. If you can’t do this one damn favour then screw you!

T.
PS I thought fat people were suppose to be jolly!

Hey! You’re one to talk, chubby! Big Daddy and I have been communicating so I know all of your dirty little secrets... do you really want to start this battle? Apologize or that lump of coal goes to every one of your advertisers!!

S.

OMG I am SO sorry!!! You’re right. Especially if you know about that time I... um, well, you know! So... yah. Um. This is awkward. I’m sorry. Can you ever forgive me? I really need to do something special for our advertisers because without them, there is no MOM magazine!!! Please reconsider. I promise to be better next year. P.S. Big Daddy is one to talk...

That’s more like it. I will try to let your advertisers know how much you appreciate them. p.s. Big Daddy deserves a raise. He’s funny!

Not Criminally Responsible law is really starting to PISS ME OFF!

It's no secret that I have been supportive of Tim's Law and Carol deDelley's fight to change the NCR law.

I have kept the story of Tim McLean's brutal murder front and centre in the magazine and online for a reason. The Not Criminally Responsible law has GOT TO CHANGE!!

This law first came to my attention - and the attention of most Canadians - after Tim was beheaded, cannibalized, had his body ripped apart in front of multiple Greyhound bus passengers while the RCMP stood by and did nothing. It was a "Preservation of Life" policy that prevented them from doing anything and since Tim was already dead, they couldn't very well storm the bus and kill Li.

So, Li was eventually found Not Criminally Responsible, which means no one is responsible for Tim's murder.

And now, in the news is the story of the BC father - and I use that term loosely - who murdered his three kids while they slept. He wrote the words "Forever Young" and "Gone to Neverland" in soy sauce as a message to their mother.

Well that same goddamn NCR punishment is being thrown around.

630 Ched reported: He told the court that the girl fought back, putting her hand up and crying out "I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm sorry," and then pulled his hair as he slashed her neck.

"I told her to go to the white father," he testified.

Now, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not a psychologist but I am a mom and I swear to GOD if anyone did that to my kids there is no way in hell I would want that NCR verdict passed.

NCR is bullshit. SOMEONE is responsible for murdering those kids. If not their dad - who admitted to killing them - then WHO!?

Carol's fight to change this law has seemed to have stalled, not for her lack of trying but for lack of anger and empathy by the general public.

When Tim was murdered, the story was heard around the world. People from all over the globe were sending messages of support, starting Facebook groups, they were outraged!!

And now? Well, the petition for Tim's Law has stalled at 800+ signatures.

Why? What are YOU waiting for? Are you waiting for some crazy fucker to come and do to your kids what they have done to Carol's and to Darcie Clark, the mother of those slain children?

Get pissed off! Help Carol make the change that NEEDS to be made to the Not Criminally Responsible law.

It's a bullshit law and you know it.

t.

Thanksgiving Weekend?

When did it get to be turkey weekend??

Holy shitballs, I've blinked and summer is over, winter is here!! Ok, so I saw a couple of the http://yummymummyclub.ca/ bloggers say wonderful things about what they are thankful for so.... never one to re-invent the wheel, I decided to post my own TGIF list (Thanks Given In lieu of Flowers). Don't judge, I just made it up.

Okie dokie so here goes...

To all of you who continue to read/advertise in MOM Magazine, THANK YOU!

However, to all of you who have nothing better to do than bitch about our grammatical errors, potty-mouth content, and Big Daddy ... well THANK YOU for continuing to pick us up, even if it is only to bitch

Among those whom I would like to personally thank is my new assistant Christine for keeping me organized and picking up the slack!

No one is happier about our expansion into Calgary than I am!

Kraft Dinner. The supper I am most thankful for because my kids will eat it!

Shiraz. Merlot. Reisling. Zin. Chardonnay. I think you get the point!!

Gee, I have to mention coffee, too, because without coffee, I would be one bitchy girl. Ok, even bitchier than I am normally.

In the spirit of the season, I guess I should mention the in-laws (even though I SWORE I'd never mention the old folks again!!) but I am lucky to have them because they take the kids whenever we need them. And that... is truly a blessing!!

Very big cups. In which to put my coffee. Fragment. Sentence. Get over it. I'm not perfect and neither is the mag.

I hate Facebook because it has become a toxic breeding ground for catty bullshit. In it's place I have discovered http://twitter.com/MOMmagRocks Because we do. Follow me there and don't ask to be my friend on Facebook. I am greatful for the Twit.

Namaste. Ommmmm. If you're not within you're without. Don't you dare tell anyone that I'm into that stuff!!

Grenache Shiraz. Coffee. My kids. Big Daddy (with all his faults, I love him still) *i think I just threw up in my mouth*

Now go be one with your turkey.

And have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving!!

t.

The last time I was this late, I was pregnant.

And I was just as unhappy.

This anniversary issue of MOM will be available on Tuesday - yes, I know, you've been waiting and waiting... due to circumstances beyond our control we're late.

It happens.

Back-to-School Blues

Yes, yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year and all but holy HELL is it stressful. The Oz man starts Grade 2 this year and Lola will be rockin' the Pre-K so you think I'd be chompin' at the bit to get rid of the little monsters.

Well I am and I'm not.

For anyone who knows me personally, they know how disorganized I am. I forget to fill out forms, I was suppose to register Lola for dance classes, I haven't even thought about what to pack for lunch yet, there's a mountain of laundry that just WON'T go away even though I ask my fairy godmother every night to make it disappear, my house is a mess, I'm SO behind on this issue because I've been so damn sick PLUS I just don't give a damn.

I feel about as overwhelmed as I have ever felt. So trying to organize 2 kids for back-to-school is not something I am enjoying.

Am I the only mom who actually has to schedule a shower for the day??

If I don't do this, I don't shower. If I don't schedule coffee breaks, I don't take one. If I don't block off an hour for housework, I don't do it.

Sunuvabitchballs I need to be ORGANIZED!!

So many hokey "New Years Resolutions" are pumped up in January but I say Back-to-School is the start of my new year.

I'm goin' to Staples and buying a family planner so that I can structure our days. I did this last year and it worked out really well... I don't know why I stopped??

Anyhoo, this chaos sucks. If I feel this stressed I can't imagine how the Oz man must feel about starting Grade 2. It's like getting a promotion every year - you may know some of the people, most will be new and you have to adjust into a routine.

Bah. When did parenting get so hard????

If you need me I'll be pushing that "Easy" button till my laundry goes away.

t.

Releasing the Lockerbie Bomber

About six years ago, Big Daddy and I took Oz on his first big trip. We went to visit our friends in Scotland for two weeks, and it was such a beautiful country that I tried persuading the Big guy to relocate. It didn't happen.

Our friends, Jane and Gary, lived in Dumfries, 20 minutes away from Lockerbie, the town over which Pan American Flight 103 exploded killing 259 people on board and 11 people in town. Jane, a RN, remembered the event, telling me they rushed to the scene to help. She described the chaos, the panic, the terror, the blood, the sadness and the horror.

I hadn't heard of this tragedy - it happened in 1988 when I was in Grade 8 and was too wrapped up in my own personal drama to care about what was happening in the world - but when Jane told me about the memorial dedicated to the people who were killed, I knew I had to pay my respects at the site.

It wasn't something we expected to see on our vacation to Scotland and I'm sure Big Daddy only went because I insisted but this was the most memorable part of my trip to Scotland.

The gravestones were imposing and impressive. The view was breathtaking and serene. The air was thick with energy and spirituality, and I was drawn to the memorial knowing I had to pay my respects.

I read the names of each person who was killed on board that flight and on the ground in the small town of Lockerbie. It truly was a place I was meant to see and now, six years later, I know why.

The only person who was convicted of blowing up Pan American Flight 103 was released yesterday on "compassionate grounds" because he has cancer.

Boo fucking hoo.

Abdel Baset al-Megrahi recieved a hero's welcome when he returned to Libya and was hugged by Moammar Gadhafi, who released this statement:

"To my friends in Scotland; the Scottish National Party, and Scottish Prime Minister, and the Foreign Secretary, I praise their courage for having proved their independence in decision making, despite the unacceptable and unreasonable pressures they faced. Nevertheless, they took this courageously right and humanitarian decision," he said.

Right and Humanitarian decision? I'm sure it was the right and humanitarian decision that was made when that bomb was placed in the cargo area of Pan Am Flight 103.

I'm sure it was compassion that fueled the decision to murder those people.

My blood boils at the thought of this dirty fucker being hailed a hero by people in Libya. There were young men who threw flower petals at his feet and praised him.

This was a bullshit decision by the Scottish government. Yes, bullshit. There have been rumblings that it is an oil-based decision to release the cancer-ridden al-Megrahi. The government denies it and I could care less what the motivation is behind his release.

WTF is wrong with people? Did the Scottish governement not see this coming? Anyone with any common sense knew what would happen. So what? The guy has prostate cancer? Hmmm... who the fuck cares? It's a slow painful death he deserves after what he did, not a comfy bed and hugs from a vicious Libyan leader.

I'm sitting here listening to my 3-year-old princess Lola play with her dolls and sing, "You have to believe you can fly!" She is so innocent and sweet that if someone ever hurt her - in any way, shape or form - I wouldn't be as forgiving as the Scottish government.

I can only imagine how the parents of the victims of Pan Am 103 feel.