Toxic People

I am a firm believer in cutting toxic people and relationships out of your life.

I've done it more times than I can count because I learned at an early age that not everyone BELONGS OR DESERVES to be a part of your life. 

Consider this. If you had a tumour you would remove it, yes?

So why keep someone or something in your life that continually brings negative energy to it? Why hand someone that power? Why allow anyone or anything to contribute drama or sadness or grief when there are enough times in your life you will have to deal with REAL grief or sadness? 

A few years back I made the decision to remove my mom from my life completely. It was something I should have done years sooner but it took a lot of healing on my part to become strong enough to do it. It was only when I had Lola that I realized the type of influence I wanted in my daughter's life and I made the decision to fully cut ties with my mom. I had already kept Oz away from her but it never really hit me how toxic she was until my littlest soul came into my life. 

I love my mom, I do, but she is toxic and will never change. She is also very weak and that isn't something I tolerate nor do I want my daughter seeing that type of female influence because my daughter will never grow up the way I did; surrounded by toxic people.

There have also been times that I have removed friends from my life and other times when I have been cut out of someone's life because I was toxic (I'm not perfect, I know that but when I'm good, I'm fuckin' awesome!).

I have a friend (of a friend of a friend of a friend) who is strong, smart and extremely passionate about what she does for a living BUT she constantly allows her so-called BFF (and even some family members) to contribute negativity to her life. 

I can't wrap my teensy brain around that concept and have TOLD her multiple times to grow a backbone and  stop taking their shit but for years she has continued to make excuses  tell me that her BFF had a tough life and doesn't know how her actions affect others and that she has good qualities and blah fuckin' blah blah blah! 

*smack*

I've seen my girlfriend cry over some shit this supposed BFF has said to her, I've had loooooong text conversations with her, consoling her after this BFF had screaming fit on the phone with her... I've seen a lot and it makes me not only wanna go all inner-city Scorpio on that girl's ass but it frustrates me that my girlfriend ALLOWS herself to be treated that way.

Why is that? 

And when is enough, enough? 

What does it take for you to realize YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. It's not something that only the "beautiful" people deserve, it's something YOU deserve right now; not tomorrow, not when you lost 40 pounds, not when someone else SAYS you deserve it but RIGHT NOW! 

And if that means ending a friendship with someone who constantly reminds you that your house is always messy or that "you really should do something about your hair" or makes snide comments about your life in any way that makes YOU feel bad, then consider the tumour. Is it life-threatening or is it malign? Is it something you want to take a chance that will spread and get worse and years from now all of the negative comments and toxic energy has built up so badly that you end up cutting them out of your life anyway? 

Not everyone who comes into your life has to stay there forever. If that were the case you and your kindergarten BFF would still be friends. 

And like my good friend Stephen King says, "People come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."

And that's OK.

xxx

t.

Brand New Bitch

I love music and quite often a certain will come into my life when I need it most, sort of like when I was going through the depression after my granpa's death, and Eminem's Recovery CD came out. 


Last week I was listening to the radio, something I rarely do, and heard Anjulie's new song "Brand New Bitch," this generations version of Alanis Morisette's, "You Oughtta Know" but less... angry at him and more "I back and better off with out you" kind of song.


Now before you go questioning anything, NO I don't relate to this song as a break up song (Big Daddy and I are quite all right, thank you) but I love the visual Anjulie gives of how she is badass, sexy, free and moving forward. 


So for me, I get something different than what a heartbroken 21-year-old might get but you know this could be every single woman's anthem no matter what age you are.

My face to the sky, 

sunglasses on

Turnin’ up the beat so sick I’m like a brand new bitch

Don’t need a rescue, 

it’s all good

Baby, I been hittin’ my stride, hittin’ my stride 

I got my red lipstick on, engine’s revving

I relate to those lyrics because I FEEL STRONG! Stronger than I have in 2 years and it feels pretty fuckin good. I feel like my old self again and it's taken SO long to get here. I've even made some lifestyle changes and am getting back to fighting form so this time next year I will look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.


I love empowering songs and Brand New Bitch is REALLY damn good; good beat, make-no-apology lyrics, and a GREAT workout song!


Give it a listen. Oh yeh, Anjulie is Canadian, too. More proof that Canadian women really DO kick ass! Good girl Anjulie!


Cheers!
t.

The art of being self-aware

I swear. 


A lot.


I know, I know, you're falling off your chair in shock at that little revelation but if there is one thing I am, it's self-aware. 


I can list all of my characteristics, good and bad, and am always working to make those so-called "bad traits" better. 


In no particular order, the bad:

• I swear (even around my kids, I don't censor myself. Much).


• I'm stubborn (not as bad as I was when I was 20 but if I believe STRONGLY in something I will fight you to the death to prove my point)


• There is no such thing as half-assin' it (I am extreme in every thing I do. Work, play, everything. I go balls-to-the-wall or I don't go at all).


• If I'm indifferent to you it means I don't care at all about you either to love you or hate you and THAT is the worst emotion you can evoke from me


• I will drop the gloves and throw down if I feel I've been wronged or if someone I care about has been hurt.


• I will be inappropriate at the most inappropriate times. Yes, yes I will tell dirty jokes around my mother in law and I will say comments just to make you blush (and hopefully laugh). 

The good 

• I am feisty, playful and love life. It's sometimes triggers people who are less likely to have that quality and who take life seriously. But you know what? I don't care. Life is too short to take it so seriously. There is enough serious shit in this world to stress out about and if I can  BE happy than I WILL be happy.


• I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. If I love you, I will tell you. On the flip side if I hate you, you will know it too.


• "Don't talk to me about rules, dear. Wherever I stay I make the goddamn rules" Maria Callas Exactly. I look at things differently than most people and it took me a LONG time to see that I don't have to act the way people think I should act or talk the way other people deem appropriate. I make no apologies for who I am because I AM living up to my authentic standards.


• Compassion is second-nature to me believe it or not. I am very empathetic but I don't coddle those who play the victim card.

Over the past 2 years I've been practicing a lot of meditation and more recently been following the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success which have REALLY helped me let go of a lot of anger and rage issues I have had (I know, another shocking revelation, I'm sure). 


Today is Wednesday and it's the The Law of Least Effort: Accept people, situations, and events as they occur. Take responsibility for your situation and for all events seen as problems. Relinquish the need to defend your point of view.


Do you know how hard that is? Seriously. I'm a bit of a control freak   ... yes I get it, you're shocked at my honesty... so relinquishing the need to defend my point of view or myself is a tough one. 


I have learned to embrace all of my traits because they make me who I am. Do I have to be the mom who swears all the time? No I don't HAVE to be anything I don't want to be. But do I apologize for swearing? 


Fuck no.


I'm self-aware enough to know it's just another facet of my charming personality so love me or hate me, I'm not changing who my authentic self for anyone. 


I happen to like me.


Cheers!
t.


PS. How self-aware are YOU!?

There are worst things I could do...

So. Yah. It all started with a tweet.

Ridin' in Style

I'm a girl who can talk hockey and drink beer with the best of 'em (OK who am I kidding, I like my wine but I still can hold my own against anyone when it comes to talking sports) but when it comes to cars my eyes glaze over and you might as well be talking Sex & The City to me because I just don't care.

But I do know what I like and when Ford offered me the chance to test drive the 2011 Lincoln MKX and the 2011 Ford Explorer I looked at my 2002 Dodge Dakota with the flat tire and broken air conditioner and said, "Hell to the YAH BABY!"

The MKX is the creme de la creme of automobiles in my humble opinion. I'm not, nor will I ever be, a minivan mom. The MKX is my dream car. It's a crossover with airconditioned seats, a big ass sun roof that extends across both the front and rear passenger seats, hands-free computerized system where you can just talk to it and tell it what radio station you want to listen to, who you want to phone and where you want to go. It was like having my very own "Kit" car except I'm cuter than David Hasselhoff and the car had a sexier voice.

Oz and Lola were happy because of the dual entertainment centres in the back seats (keep in mind I drive a 2002 Dakota with no fancy features so this was a HUGE deal for them) and I liked the fact that I drove from Edmonton to Calgary and back on just over a tank of gas.

Dollar store decorating

I'm cheap.

Not thrifty, cheap. And I'm OK with that. Don't ask Big Daddy, though, he thinks I spend too much money but in reality - and compared to some of my girlfriends who have champagne tastes - I am cheap.

It's been four years since we built a 900 sq. ft., three-tiered deck and we have yet to stain it or decorate it although two years ago I did buy an outdoor chocolate rattan table and matching chairs which I love. I also found a retractable pergola at Canadian Tire for $200 but other than that our deck looks boring and blah.

This Canada Day, though, I was determined to give my deck a bit of an uplift so I enlisted the natural talents of my girlfriend who's house looks like it belongs in Home & Gardens, no word of a lie.

This chick designed her French Cottage-style home and decorated, painted, landscaped and designed ALL by her sexy self.

She came over and made me clear off all of the crap that had collected there over the last year (kid's toys, old planters, etc) and THEN she made me clean it. After complaining that I was tired already (really, I was just lazy) she told me I needed to get LIVE plants.

I live on an acreage where I am SURROUNDED by trees. The last thing I wanted were flowers and plants on my damn deck but she calmly looked at me and said, "You asked for my opinion. Why did you ask for my advice if you aren't willing to take it?"

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, I replied.

She asked what kind of theme I wanted and since I'm quite fond of the Japanese culture I immediately told her I wanted a Zen space. She gave me a few ideas which I knew would cost a fortune and quite honestly weren't in the budget (which, by the way, she kept asking what my budget was).

We recycled some furniture I had collecting dust in the basement and brought it outside then rummaged through my entry which now stores my grandfather's furniture. We picked out pieces I had used for my once Zen entry and brought them outside.

It was starting to come together but I knew I needed some other things to pull it all together including live plants.

So, to the Dollar store I went!

I spent about $75 at the Dollar store on bamboo, pots, river rocks, placemats, candles and jars to complete the look of my deck. Now because my space is so large I needed more than one or two of each  item and some of the items were $2 each but I still think I pulled off a clean, somewhat Zen look for cheap.

Once I had my items I went to Superstore and grabbed flowers for the deck. This was the most expensive part of my decorating BUT because it was so late in the gardening season I was able to convince the cashier to give me some of the plants for 50% off.

Between dirt and plants, I spent about $110 and my deck still looks slightly bare but it will have to do for now.

I have a cute little herb garden filled with fresh basil (which I add to everything), some pretty flower pots on each of my steps (I won's show you what they look like because I was sick all weekend and forgot to flower them so they look like crap but I'm hoping to resurrect them), and two big planters filled with black and white wave petunias and red lilies.

Overall I'm quite pleased, especially with the two lights I made that stand on either side of my stairs.

Next step... Deck staining party!!!!

Cheers!

t.

Get a Job

So. Before I met Big Daddy I had a great career as a sports writer and I was quite happy with where my life was headed.

I left the industry for a different path in life and have had no regrets (although I often wonder where I would be in that career now) because it has allowed me to have a  family and stay home with my kids during their younger years (Oz is now 9 and Lola is 5).

I never EVER wanted to be a stay-at-home MOM or a housewife (no offense to those who choose that life) because I have always felt I had a purpose in life, that I was meant for great things. Sounds arrogant, I know, but I totally don't mean it that way. What I mean is that I have always felt like my life was meant to inspire other people and through MOM Magazine, I think I am accomplishing that.

This past 18 months has sucked, personally, which has led my professional life to change dramatically as well but I have been plotting and planning since February ways to rise from the ashes once again because that is what I do.

I'm a fighter and  a survivor, I always have been and never stay down for the count.

This morning, after another 3:30 a.m. wakeup call from my inner alarm clock, doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the kitchen, fixing lunches for the kids & making breakfast for the little ingrates, I was enjoying a coffee at the table with everyone.

General chit chat was going on... nothing of any relevance, when Oz looked at me and said, "You should get a job." His snarky little tone (I still don't know if it was intentional) and that comment caught me way off guard and all I could do was take my coffee and leave.

Obviously he's nine years old and oblivious to anything in regards to my life or my daily struggles with the redirection of MOM or anything I do but that comment was a kick in the proverbial nuts.

For nine years I have stayed home, more so with Oz than with Lola because I started MOM after Lola was born, but I have always been home for the kids when they were sick, teaching them all the things they need to know in their formative years, being the primary caregiver as most moms are... you know, all the things moms do that go unnoticed.

 Now had I chose to go to work 9-5 my kids would have had a dramatically different life and our family life would be SO much different. I make sure we have home-cooked meals (most nights, I am human after all), breakfast is always healthy and fresh, I'm always home when they get off the school bus... you know, little things like that.

Lately I've been getting the MOM Guilt ... "You work too much," "You're always on your computer," "You never send time with us..." The thing is, I HAVEN'T worked in 18 months, so now that I am spending a ridiculous amount of time doing anything to rebuild what I let fail (is fail the right word?), the kids are becoming more clingy because maybe I'm not at their beck and call anymore.

Lola has developed this... neediness for me that she never use to have. Oz is making comments like "Get a job" when he complains that I "work" too much.

Fuck. It's one of those days where I feel like disappearing on a road trip and truly letting them fend for themselves to see how lucky they are to have the best of both worlds.

I don't know, maybe in some ways I needed to hear that (jackass) comment from (brat) Oz.

Time to implement some of the elements of MOM that will bring it  back to being a viable business, I mean after all this isn't a hobby.

t.