Saturday, March 12, 2011

You're Fuckin' Perfect

Lately, songs have been coming into my life with messages when I need them the most.

It's no secret my self-esteem has taken a brutal beating over the past year but I am slowly reclaiming it and getting back to my former confident and badass self.

When I first heard Pink's "Fuckin' Perfect" on the radio, I started tearing up because hearing this, "If you ever, ever feel like your nothing you're fuckin' perfect to me," hit home.

I haven't felt GOOD about myself for so long and it fuckin SUCKS.

I've never seen Pink's video before this morning and the only reason I watched it was that I had been sending the link to my friends letting them know I thought THEY were fuckin' perfect.

For some reason, today I pressed play and by the end of the video I was bawling.

I look at Lola and think of how special and beautiful she is and I am that mom at the end of the video who goes into her daughter's room and (omg I can't stop crying what the FUCK is wrong with me????) UGH just watch the video. Anyway, yah, I relate to it.

I relate to it because that young girl was so emotionally-starved and damaged but she was able to grasp onto something which pulled her out of the darkness. And she did it herself.

I also believe that on some level EVERY woman can relate to this video. If for no other reason than to be told that someone thinks you're fuckin' perfect.

And for the record, hell to the YES Big Daddy is that smokin hot guy with his arms her at the end of the vid ;)

When I look at Lola I never want her to feel less than perfect.

One of "our songs" is Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" which we sing at least once a day. I want Lola to find someone who feels this way about her and tells her every day how she is PERFECT the way she is and loves her for who she is.

When she was 3 years old, she looked at me as I was putting on makeup and said, "Mommy, I want to wear makeup too, makeup makes you beautiful."

I was horrified because I never wanted her to associate beauty with cosmetic beauty.

"Uhm, no Lola, makeup does NOT make you pretty," I told her. "You know what makes you beautiful? Your heart, your soul, and your brain. You are beautiful because you are funny, smart, thoughtful, goofy, sweet, kind, helpful... those are the things that make you beautiful. Makeup can make you FEEL beautiful but I promise you it does not make you beautiful."

Every day since then, we have talked about what makes her beautiful and at 5 years old she has learned not to associate beauty with the physical. She likes to dress up to FEEL pretty but now knows what truly makes her beautiful.

And what I love most about Lola is that she is so complimentary; it comes naturally to her. She will find something nice to say to someone whether it's complimenting them on their clothes or their hair but she always wants to make other people feel good about themselves.

I often think she was brought to me to help heal my own spirit because having a daughter has made me so much more in touch with my emotions than I ever WANTED to be.

In fact, I never wanted a girl, ever because I never got along with girls. I was always hanging out with the guys and could relate more to men. But I always said if I DID get stuck with a girl she had to have dark hair, green eyes, be a Scorpio and be born in November so I would at least be able to understand her personality considering I'm a Scorpio and would understand all of her
personality quirks.

Lo and behold, when I had sworn up and DOWN Oz was my one and only kid, she showed up positive on a pregnancy test when I hadn't even missed a period. I just knew. And it was a week before a Vegas trip no less so I knew she was trouble from the beginning.

And you know what? Ask the universe for something and it delivers because 9 months later she showed up with a head full of black hair, green eyes on Nov. 1, 2005.

My green-eyed little Scorpio who has taught me so much about what real beauty means and forced me to heal my spirit if for no other reason than to teach her that she is fuckin perfect JUST the way she is.


Thursday, March 10, 2011

Happy flippin' Birthday

So the great and powerful Oz will be turning 9 on Sunday and Big Daddy & I are butting heads (oooh big surprise) about what to get the boy for his special day.

Here's the thing. The kid wanted to go to the circus SO he's getting circus tickets from Lola as a gift. Before we surprise him tomorrow with these tickets, we're taking him out for a birthday dinner and giving him a Bone book he's been wanting (giggling inappropriate at that actually LOL).

Anyhoo, so on Saturday, he gets his party with his friends, pizza & cake at Professor WEM's Golf Course then off to see Gnomeo & Juliet (which Lola and I saw a few weeks ago and let me tell ya it's a badass movie!).

That night, a couple of his friends are sleeping over.

The next DAY, Sunday, Ron's parent's and brother are coming over to have yet ANOTHER birthday celebration for the boy.


Our "disagreement" is about what to get the boy.

I say he doesn't NEED something just to GET something bc we're taking him to the circus, out for dinner AND he's getting the book but Ron figures he NEEDS to get something.

Fuck. Me.

Kids, well my kids anyway, our shown love through materialism and I hate that shit. I know, I know, it's all good to get presents and be showered with gifts and love on your birthday but when is it TOO much?

When is enough, ENOUGH.


PS if you don't hear from me it's cuz Ron threw a wine bottle into the wood chipper and I stupidly tried to save it. Yeh. He threatens that a lot.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Addicted to Lash Extensions

I've always thought my eyes were my best feature.

They're big, blue, somewhat sultry and flirtatious and because of my dear friend Kelly Falardeau's message (BRAG about yourself), I'm not going to be modest about my eyes anymore.

Last year, I discovered the luxury of Lash Extensions and had a set done at Bizou Lash Studio before Big Daddy and I went to Vegas. It was a nice place, clean, the girl was quite knowledgeable about her craft and $95 later I was a happy girl.

I never got them filled because it wasn't something I cared too much about. Of course, I didn't care too much about myself or my appearance either but when my good friend Amanda, owner of D'Lish Urban Kitchen & Wine Bar in Edmonton, suggested I try out Flirt Lashes, I was ready to reclaim my sexy self so I said sure!

I was beyond impressed with the quaint little studio where Alex & Tuey set up shop on 124st and even more excited about the price of the extensions.

I had been looking into getting lashes but could never justify the OUTRAGEOUS prices the spas were charging. I mean COME ON. $200+ and up for Lashes?? That weren't even permanent??

It seemed stupid to me.

But at Flirt, the girls charge $60 for a full SET of lashes! And they look amazing! Fills are $30.

How it works

You lay there and relax, the girls do all the work. There are a few variables which will determine the length of your visit, the cost, and how long the lashes will last.

I chose semis because they are attached to groups of your natural lashes and tend to last longer. They are also fuller and more dramatic. Since the extensions fall out with your natural lashes, and I don't have time to visit the girls at Flirt very often, the semis made more sense for me because they are sturdier.

Before- In this pic some extensions have been added, you can CLEARLY tell which are extensions and which are my real lashes. You can also see how sparse and short my lashes are plus I'm naturally blonde so they are light)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Operation: Black Bag

I'm not an organized person, I never have been and I've never claimed to be.

But seeing Lola's room just about KILLS me every fucking time I look in there. It looks like Toys R Us exploded in her tiny room which annoys me on multiple levels: 1) she has WAY too much crap, 2) I suck at maintaining a house and keeping it clutter-free and 3) I feel like when i DO declutter the house (which happens every 6 months or so) no one helps me keep it clutter-free so I don't bother either.

It's a vicious cycle. The house clutter builds up, causes MAJOR arguments about who is responsible for what and I end up throwing shit out because there IS too much shit.

I remember when I finished high school and couch surfed for the summer because I had no where to live. Everything I owned had to be kept in a small bag which is why I think I am SO not a pack rat.

So when I see my kids' rooms look like a Pixar threw up in there, I want to pull my hair out in frustration. But my kids are picking up OUR bad habits - yes Big Daddy you are a messy little bastard too - and I am no better.

But I don't want my kids becoming entitled little slobs who expect someone else to clean up their crap or think that it's OK to live in clutter.

So yesterday, Lola and I - for what better damn well be the LAST time in her young life - went into her room and purged.

I was SO beyond mad when I went in there - and YES I saw it building and I know it's my responsibility as a parent to catch these things but I was self-absorbed in some personal shit I was going through so I didn't care as much about the state of her room - and took my broom, sweeping EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING out into the hallway. There was no way I could sort through the shit on her floor within her tiny little room so my best bet was to get it all out into a common living space where it would HAVE to be dealt with.

See? A lot of shit, right? You should have seen what this looked like when it was IN her room. FML.

We started at about 10 a.m. yesterday and went until about 5 p.m. I had to take multiple Twitter breaks to yell at someone other than her. The best part was that I had promised myself that I wouldn't swear on Twitter yesterday:

19hours ago omfg (that doesnt count as a swear btw) getting rid of *doh* stuff in Lola's room, blog to follow & Im swearing a LOT irl fml

19 hours ago i dont UNDERSTAND how *doh* stuff piles UP and the CHAOS that happens *doh* fml i picked the WORSt day to not swear on twitter

19 hours ago taking pics too. JUST to remind me AND Lola of the *DOH* stuff that she collects. You're never gonna believe this *DOH* stuff she has!

19 hours ago baileys in my coffeE is JUST what I need, i go through this EVERY 3 months like clockwork, gah its ME who needs to change :'(

18 hours ago hey so far so good, replacing swearing on twitter with *DOH* ... hmmm... its only 1030 am tho

18 hours ago i think you may be my favourite twit!! RT @mommylok: @MOMmagRocks Don't try to change who you are! :)

18 hours ago @abandofwives hahah trust me i probably wont make it through the day, decluttering Lola's room & swearing like CRAZY irl

18 hours ago @abandofwives ironically MOM is known for the blatant swearing and inappropriate behaviour yet I am trying not to swear today. wtf right?

17 hours ago taking a break fr Operation: Declutter fml at the rate im getting thru this *DOH* stuff i wont b done till 2morrw #stillhaventswornontwitter

15 hours ago you know what I've found? the only way I will win this bet is if I just stay OFF of twitter today #noswearingonTwitterforaday

12 hours ago EXACTLY! fuck listen to IceT #MOMsaysso RT @FINALLEVEL: If you're gonna #UNFOLLOW me.. Just do it. No need to get dissed on the way out...

12 hours ago noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!! FUCK! i cant go one day w/o swearing on twitter! gawddamit. I was doing SO WELL!

Poor kid, I felt bad when I yelled and caught myself so I tried explaining to her that she couldn't live in a pig sty like that.

"Ok mommy, I won't live in a Pig's Sky any more."

See? Lola is so damn cute and adorable and SWEET, and it isn't her fault that her room ended up that way.

It was mine.

I don't want her growing up with my bad habits. Just because I didn't have any one to show me how to be organized or take care of a home doesn't mean I can't LEARN these things and give my kids the best life tools possible.

So, we turned on some music and worked together while I showed her how to separate her toys into bins (she labelled them) and we got through the pile of crap in the hallway.

This was at about 2 p.m. Surprisingly I only filled one black garbage bag but told Lola the next time her room ended up looking like that, I would take as many black bags as I needed and EVERYTHING would be going in the garbage.

And I mean it, much to Big Daddy's dismay.

But you know what? Letting our kids think it's OK to build up such clutter and crap and then WAIT until it looks like THAT is a recipe for disaster in life on so many levels and I won't be that MOM who does that to her kids.

So we whittled away and I think letting Lola choose what to keep and what to toss and really be a part of the process helped her see that Mommy doesn't wave a magic wand and the house automatically cleans itself (and if anyone out there HAS one of those wands, send me one to feature and I will try it out... you know, for research purposes ;)

In the end, her room looked FABULOUS and she was happy.

And my hallway was back to good by about 5:30 p.m. ish...