Thursday, August 18, 2011

Toxic People

I am a firm believer in cutting toxic people and relationships out of your life.

I've done it more times than I can count because I learned at an early age that not everyone BELONGS OR DESERVES to be a part of your life

Consider this. If you had a tumour you would remove it, yes?

So why keep someone or something in your life that continually brings negative energy to it? Why hand someone that power? Why allow anyone or anything to contribute drama or sadness or grief when there are enough times in your life you will have to deal with REAL grief or sadness? 

A few years back I made the decision to remove my mom from my life completely. It was something I should have done years sooner but it took a lot of healing on my part to become strong enough to do it. It was only when I had Lola that I realized the type of influence I wanted in my daughter's life and I made the decision to fully cut ties with my mom. I had already kept Oz away from her but it never really hit me how toxic she was until my littlest soul came into my life. 

I love my mom, I do, but she is toxic and will never change. She is also very weak and that isn't something I tolerate nor do I want my daughter seeing that type of female influence because my daughter will never grow up the way I did; surrounded by toxic people.

There have also been times that I have removed friends from my life and other times when I have been cut out of someone's life because I was toxic (I'm not perfect, I know that but when I'm good, I'm fuckin' awesome!).

I have a friend (of a friend of a friend of a friend) who is strong, smart and extremely passionate about what she does for a living BUT she constantly allows her so-called BFF (and even some family members) to contribute negativity to her life. 

I can't wrap my teensy brain around that concept and have TOLD her multiple times to grow a backbone and  stop taking their shit but for years she has continued to make excuses  tell me that her BFF had a tough life and doesn't know how her actions affect others and that she has good qualities and blah fuckin' blah blah blah! 


I've seen my girlfriend cry over some shit this supposed BFF has said to her, I've had loooooong text conversations with her, consoling her after this BFF had screaming fit on the phone with her... I've seen a lot and it makes me not only wanna go all inner-city Scorpio on that girl's ass but it frustrates me that my girlfriend ALLOWS herself to be treated that way.

Why is that? 

And when is enough, enough? 

What does it take for you to realize YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. It's not something that only the "beautiful" people deserve, it's something YOU deserve right now; not tomorrow, not when you lost 40 pounds, not when someone else SAYS you deserve it but RIGHT NOW! 

And if that means ending a friendship with someone who constantly reminds you that your house is always messy or that "you really should do something about your hair" or makes snide comments about your life in any way that makes YOU feel bad, then consider the tumour. Is it life-threatening or is it malign? Is it something you want to take a chance that will spread and get worse and years from now all of the negative comments and toxic energy has built up so badly that you end up cutting them out of your life anyway? 

Not everyone who comes into your life has to stay there forever. If that were the case you and your kindergarten BFF would still be friends. 

And like my good friend Stephen King says, "People come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."

And that's OK.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Brand New Bitch

I love music and quite often a certain will come into my life when I need it most, sort of like when I was going through the depression after my granpa's death, and Eminem's Recovery CD came out. 

Last week I was listening to the radio, something I rarely do, and heard Anjulie's new song "Brand New Bitch," this generations version of Alanis Morisette's, "You Oughtta Know" but less... angry at him and more "I back and better off with out you" kind of song.

Now before you go questioning anything, NO I don't relate to this song as a break up song (Big Daddy and I are quite all right, thank you) but I love the visual Anjulie gives of how she is badass, sexy, free and moving forward. 

So for me, I get something different than what a heartbroken 21-year-old might get but you know this could be every single woman's anthem no matter what age you are.

My face to the sky, 
sunglasses on
Turnin’ up the beat so sick I’m like a brand new bitch

Don’t need a rescue, 
it’s all good
Baby, I been hittin’ my stride, hittin’ my stride 
I got my red lipstick on, engine’s revving

I relate to those lyrics because I FEEL STRONG! Stronger than I have in 2 years and it feels pretty fuckin good. I feel like my old self again and it's taken SO long to get here. I've even made some lifestyle changes and am getting back to fighting form so this time next year I will look on the outside the way I feel on the inside.

I love empowering songs and Brand New Bitch is REALLY damn good; good beat, make-no-apology lyrics, and a GREAT workout song!

Give it a listen. Oh yeh, Anjulie is Canadian, too. More proof that Canadian women really DO kick ass! Good girl Anjulie!


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The art of being self-aware

I swear. 

A lot.

I know, I know, you're falling off your chair in shock at that little revelation but if there is one thing I am, it's self-aware. 

I can list all of my characteristics, good and bad, and am always working to make those so-called "bad traits" better. 

In no particular order, the bad:

  • I swear (even around my kids, I don't censor myself. Much).

  • I'm stubborn (not as bad as I was when I was 20 but if I believe STRONGLY in something I will fight you to the death to prove my point)

  • There is no such thing as half-assin' it (I am extreme in every thing I do. Work, play, everything. I go balls-to-the-wall or I don't go at all).

  • If I'm indifferent to you it means I don't care at all about you either to love you or hate you and THAT is the worst emotion you can evoke from me

  • I will drop the gloves and throw down if I feel I've been wronged or if someone I care about has been hurt.

  • I will be inappropriate at the most inappropriate times. Yes, yes I will tell dirty jokes around my mother in law and I will say comments just to make you blush (and hopefully laugh). 

The good 

  • I am feisty, playful and love life. It's sometimes triggers people who are less likely to have that quality and who take life seriously. But you know what? I don't care. Life is too short to take it so seriously. There is enough serious shit in this world to stress out about and if I can  BE happy than I WILL be happy.

  • I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. If I love you, I will tell you. On the flip side if I hate you, you will know it too.

  • "Don't talk to me about rules, dear. Wherever I stay I make the goddamn rules" Maria Callas Exactly. I look at things differently than most people and it took me a LONG time to see that I don't have to act the way people think I should act or talk the way other people deem appropriate. I make no apologies for who I am because I AM living up to my authentic standards.

  • Compassion is second-nature to me believe it or not. I am very empathetic but I don't coddle those who play the victim card.

Over the past 2 years I've been practicing a lot of meditation and more recently been following the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success which have REALLY helped me let go of a lot of anger and rage issues I have had (I know, another shocking revelation, I'm sure). 

Today is Wednesday and it's the The Law of Least Effort: Accept people, situations, and events as they occur. Take responsibility for your situation and for all events seen as problems. Relinquish the need to defend your point of view.

Do you know how hard that is? Seriously. I'm a bit of a control freak  Shocked Smiley ... yes I get it, you're shocked at my honesty... so relinquishing the need to defend my point of view or myself is a tough one. 

I have learned to embrace all of my traits because they make me who I am. Do I have to be the mom who swears all the time? No I don't HAVE to be anything I don't want to be. But do I apologize for swearing? 

Fuck no.

I'm self-aware enough to know it's just another facet of my charming personality so love me or hate me, I'm not changing who my authentic self for anyone. 

I happen to like me.


PS. How self-aware are YOU!?