The event was beyond what I had envisioned this year, draining me emotionally, physically and mentally, and reinvigorating me at the same time.
Three weeks ago, I was on the verge of cancelling the event.
Some people were complaining about the stupidest things, causing me to question why I was doing this event in the first place. I guess some people feel entitled and just like to bitch about things just for the sake of it, so I considered the sources of the complaints and and what they were bitching about, and moved past it.
I was also having a really tough time finding sponsors for the event and it made me wonder if anyone else could see the vision I had with the FIERCE Awards. I thought maybe I was deluding myself with the idea of this celebration, I mean who am I to put this together or want to honour and recognize amazing women?
When that thought "Who am I?" popped into my head, I immediately flashed back to an interview I did with Danielle Laporte who said...
"We don't give ourselves permission to want what we want.You can't get what you want if you're not fully owning your desire that you want it in the first place.
"You've got to close the gap between desire and giving yourself permission to own that desire, and then when you're there you become magnetic. And in addition to becoming magnetic and attracting the stuff you really want... you get more smart! You start to think more clearly, you're not teasing yourself with 'Do I have permission? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? How am I gonna get it? Who am I? Who am I to want what I want?'
"So you close that gap, you think smarter, you act smarter and you get really strategic about your desire."
Then there was the mice, the break-in (the mice were burglers in their own rights, too but we had an actual thief who stole my jewelry), and I thought I was gonna snap. I surrendered to the universe, I gave up and said I couldn't take any more.
But just as it was all going to shit, it all came together.
Miss Boss came on board as a sponsor (while my house was being broken in to none-the-less), and I returned home to blog about my gratitude and how the sign from Bob Marley meant that Every Little Thing was gonna be all right... Then I noticed my house had been broken in to and in shock, was tweeting about it, devastated at the intrusion, swearing at the universe for fucking with me, and about to just QUIT on the FIERCE Awards when I got this tweet:
My jaw dropped, I sobbed, I was so happy/sad/shocked/still pissed at the universe for fucking with me.
All of that happened within hours, it was seriously weird, as though the universe was in some sort of transition from smackin' me across the head with a big stick to hugging me and saying, "Ha! Sorry about that! It was fun while it lasted!"
And then Shelley Streit, The Cash Creator, generously offered to help in any way she could and became a VIP sponsor as well. And then my twitter friend Kathleen George, founder of Kikkiplanet.com offered to be a category sponsor as well and THEN...
West Edmonton Mall...the gold ring! The "I-never-thought-in-a-million-years-I-would-be-lucky-enough-to-get-them-to-talk-to-me-let-alone-sponsor-FIERCE" DREAM sponsor!
Danielle was right.
And you know who I am?
I am FIERCE!
I am TAMARA!
And hell to the YES I made it happen!
I walked around the FIERCE Awards Thursday night in awe of what was happening. The energy in that room was magical, inspirational, and I was awe-struck by the buzz that I had created. Everyone was having a good time, cheering each other on; there was laughter, tears, clapping, standing ovations.
The night was a success.
Even though I was sleep-deprived, hadn't eaten all day, and frantically ran around doing last-minute things for the event (including a 5 minute spot on CTV for their 5 p.m. show), I felt so grateful for the sense of community I seemed to create, if only for that night.
It was a night I will never forget, and I hope the people who were lucky enough to experience FIERCE felt a fraction of the magical energy that I felt.