Get a Job

So. Before I met Big Daddy I had a great career as a sports writer and I was quite happy with where my life was headed.

I left the industry for a different path in life and have had no regrets (although I often wonder where I would be in that career now) because it has allowed me to have a  family and stay home with my kids during their younger years (Oz is now 9 and Lola is 5).

I never EVER wanted to be a stay-at-home MOM or a housewife (no offense to those who choose that life) because I have always felt I had a purpose in life, that I was meant for great things. Sounds arrogant, I know, but I totally don't mean it that way. What I mean is that I have always felt like my life was meant to inspire other people and through MOM Magazine, I think I am accomplishing that.

This past 18 months has sucked, personally, which has led my professional life to change dramatically as well but I have been plotting and planning since February ways to rise from the ashes once again because that is what I do.

I'm a fighter and  a survivor, I always have been and never stay down for the count.

This morning, after another 3:30 a.m. wakeup call from my inner alarm clock, doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the kitchen, fixing lunches for the kids & making breakfast for the little ingrates, I was enjoying a coffee at the table with everyone.

General chit chat was going on... nothing of any relevance, when Oz looked at me and said, "You should get a job." His snarky little tone (I still don't know if it was intentional) and that comment caught me way off guard and all I could do was take my coffee and leave.

Obviously he's nine years old and oblivious to anything in regards to my life or my daily struggles with the redirection of MOM or anything I do but that comment was a kick in the proverbial nuts.

For nine years I have stayed home, more so with Oz than with Lola because I started MOM after Lola was born, but I have always been home for the kids when they were sick, teaching them all the things they need to know in their formative years, being the primary caregiver as most moms are... you know, all the things moms do that go unnoticed.

 Now had I chose to go to work 9-5 my kids would have had a dramatically different life and our family life would be SO much different. I make sure we have home-cooked meals (most nights, I am human after all), breakfast is always healthy and fresh, I'm always home when they get off the school bus... you know, little things like that.

Lately I've been getting the MOM Guilt ... "You work too much," "You're always on your computer," "You never send time with us..." The thing is, I HAVEN'T worked in 18 months, so now that I am spending a ridiculous amount of time doing anything to rebuild what I let fail (is fail the right word?), the kids are becoming more clingy because maybe I'm not at their beck and call anymore.

Lola has developed this... neediness for me that she never use to have. Oz is making comments like "Get a job" when he complains that I "work" too much.

Fuck. It's one of those days where I feel like disappearing on a road trip and truly letting them fend for themselves to see how lucky they are to have the best of both worlds.

I don't know, maybe in some ways I needed to hear that (jackass) comment from (brat) Oz.

Time to implement some of the elements of MOM that will bring it  back to being a viable business, I mean after all this isn't a hobby.

t.

Gratitude for a great girl

I've been very fortunate doing what I do with MOM Magazine over the past four years and one of the reasons is the women I have been blessed enough to come into my life.

When I launched MOM in 2007, I was contacted by Connie Peters who was just at the point of launching Modern Mama. She was so adorable, sweet, genuine (a BIG reason I love her), and so willing to work with me in Edmonton to get MOMs out of the house.

Although our personalities are totally opposite - Connie is polite, polished, poised and diplomatic - we found a common ground in our desire to connect Edmonton MOMs. We didn't do too much together in the beginning of our businesses mainly because I was swamped with the print mag and she was swamped with her events and building her online community but we stayed in touch and there was always a mutual respect there.

Last year when I was coming out of that depression, I reconnected with Connie at MOM's first-ever tweetup featuring the lovely Erica Ehm, founder of the YummyMummyClub, and we started talking more and more about how we could work together.

Connie graciously accepted the invitation to be a 2010 FIERCE Women of the Year awards judge and has always been one of the influential MOM-industry women I could count on for support.

Sadly, Connie is leaving Edmonton for Vancouver but Modern Mama will live on here. I just wanted to give a HUGE THANK YOU to her for doing what she has done for the MOMs of Edmonton. Connie truly is a class act and a woman who is irreplaceable in this community.

If you get the chance, send her some love and let her know just how much you appreciate her too.

For all you Vancouver MOMs, you're lucky to have her!

Cheers!
t.

I'm at the end...

... of my rapidly fraying rope.

t.

The death of Bin Laden and the birth of change

I remember where I was the day the planes crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City; I was four months pregnant with Oz and was getting ready for work, watching the news when clips of the first plane had hit were being replayed.

I sat, watching in total disbelief at what I was seeing then ran to get Big Daddy to tell him what had happened. He thought I was kidding or seeing something that couldn't possibly be true but when we both sat watching the clips, and the second plane flew towards the second tower and the news casters were in disbelief of what they were seeing, I felt completely sick to my stomach knowing I was watching live a planeload of people crash to their deaths.

I couldn't tear myself away from the news that day and I watched, like most of the world, the great Twin Towers fall.

I remember sobbing, clutching my stomach and apologizing to my unborn baby for bringing him into this world where such evil people existed.

Last night, when I saw the twitter feeds that Osama Bin Laden was dead, I felt a rush of elation and shock and satisfaction knowing that he was finally dead.

"His demise should be welcomed by those who believe in peace and justice."
US President Barack Obama

Since the announcement from US President Barack Obama, I have seen two extreme types of reactions: those who are overjoyed that Bin Laden is dead and those who are horrified that people could celebrate his death.

I'm somewhere in the middle, which for me is an unusual reaction in itself as I am somewhat of an extremely opinionated person, but I see this situation as so much more than the demise of Bin Laden.

My authentic self can't joyfully celebrate someone's death although I am truly not sad that he is dead. There are certain people this world is better off without and Bin Laden was one of them. Throughout history, there have been others who most people were happy that were no longer able to terrorize the world: Adolph Hitler, and Saddam Hussein are the first two who come to mind, but I don't remember there being such an uproar about Hussein's death from  Western civilization.

Did it make it better that Hussein was found cowering in a rabbit hole by US Soldiers and brought to trial for crimes against humanity where he was given the opportunity to call his trial an injustice and mock the system, eventually being sentenced to death anyway? Was that more humane? Should the government have tried to take Bin Laden into custody and risked having more people killed, or worse yet, having Bin Laden escape?

On the flip side of the extreme celebrating, I've been seeing tweets of: "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" Ghandi. I've also had friends on Facebook post how wrong it is that people are happy Bin Laden is dead.

I get that position, I really do because I have always believed in justice and fairness and know that to take joy in someone else's pain is wrong on a moral and spiritual level but I also remember the cheering from the extremists when the Twin Towers fell and how awful that made me feel, to know that someone could take joy in other people's suffering.

So I choose to look at this situation this way: the world is on the precipice of a great change, one I believe will ultimately be in the way we live our lives and view the world as a whole, one of great peace and blissful contentment, one where our children will be the change that we have always wanted to see.

Bin Laden's death was instrumental in that shift in the universe and how the world will change. The generations coming up now truly have the ability to bring about world peace and anyone who knows me or has followed this blog knows I'm not about spewing corny bullshit.

Am I celebrating the death of an evil man? No. I am celebrating the birth of change and the possibilities of calm in our chaotic world.

t.