FIERCE Hangover

I had to take a few days to decompress from the FIERCE Awards.


The event was beyond what I had envisioned this year, draining me emotionally, physically and mentally, and reinvigorating me at the same time.


Three weeks ago, I was on the verge of cancelling the event.


Some people were complaining about the stupidest things, causing me to question why I was doing this event in the first place. I guess some people feel entitled and just like to bitch about things just for the sake of it, so I considered the sources of the complaints and and what they were bitching about, and moved past it.


I was also having a really tough time finding sponsors for the event and it made me wonder if anyone else could see the vision I had with the FIERCE Awards. I thought maybe I was deluding myself with the idea of this celebration, I mean who am I to put this together or want to honour and recognize amazing women? 


When that thought "Who am I?" popped into my head, I immediately flashed back to an interview I did with Danielle Laporte who said...


"We don't give ourselves permission to want what we want.You can't get what you want if you're not fully owning your desire that you want it in the first place. 


"You've got to close the gap between desire and giving yourself permission to own that desire, and then when you're there you become magnetic. And in addition to becoming magnetic and attracting the stuff you really want... you get more smart! You start to think more clearly, you're not teasing yourself with 'Do I have permission? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? How am I gonna get it? Who am I? Who am I to want what I want?'


"So you close that gap, you think smarter, you act smarter and you get really strategic about your desire."


Then there was the mice, the break-in (the mice were burglers in their own rights, too but we had an actual thief who stole my jewelry), and I thought I was gonna snap. I surrendered to the universe, I gave up and said I couldn't take any more.


But just as it was all going to shit, it all came together.


Miss Boss came on board as a sponsor (while my house was being broken in to none-the-less), and I returned home to blog about my gratitude and how the sign from Bob Marley meant that Every Little Thing was gonna be all right... Then I noticed my house had been broken in to and in shock, was tweeting about it, devastated at the intrusion, swearing at the universe for fucking with me, and about to just QUIT on the FIERCE Awards when I got this tweet:

My jaw dropped, I sobbed, I was so happy/sad/shocked/still pissed at the universe for fucking with me.

All of that happened within hours, it was seriously weird, as though the universe was in some sort of transition from smackin' me across the head with a big stick to hugging me and saying, "Ha! Sorry about that! It was fun while it lasted!"

And then Shelley Streit, The Cash Creator, generously offered to help in any way she could and became a VIP sponsor as well. And then my twitter friend Kathleen George, founder of Kikkiplanet.com offered to be a category sponsor as well and THEN...

West Edmonton Mall...the gold ring! The "I-never-thought-in-a-million-years-I-would-be-lucky-enough-to-get-them-to-talk-to-me-let-alone-sponsor-FIERCE" DREAM sponsor! 

Danielle was right. 

And you know who I am? 

I am FIERCE! 

I am TAMARA! 

And hell to the YES I made it happen! 

I walked around the FIERCE Awards Thursday night in awe of what was happening. The energy in that room was magical, inspirational, and I was awe-struck by the buzz that I had created. Everyone was having a good time, cheering each other on; there was laughter, tears, clapping, standing ovations.

The night was a success.

Even though I was sleep-deprived, hadn't eaten all day, and frantically ran around doing last-minute things for the event (including a 5 minute spot on CTV for their 5 p.m. show), I felt so grateful for the sense of community I seemed to create, if only for that night.

It was a night I will never forget, and I hope the people who were lucky enough to experience FIERCE felt a fraction of the magical energy that I felt.

Ha! That is all.

Still Standing

Oh listen to me now
I'm gonna say it loud 

So you won't be confused 

By what we're talking 'bout

I've been through the storm

Had dirt on my name

I'm still holding on 

Champion of the game

They say whatever don't kill you makes you stronger

Well I must be the world's strongest woman

See I done a whole lot of growing, everything you say I'm already knowing...

cause I've been up against the ropes

Everything you going through I've been there before

Seen 'em all come and seen 'em all go

You can bet your last that my head won't hit the floor

NEVER

I'm still standing

Choices

Everyone has choices in this world.

You can choose to thrive in happiness or you can choose to wallow in self-pity.

You can choose to flourish in love or you can choose to drown in hate.

You can choose to fight in anger or you can choose walk away in apathy.

You can choose to cry from drama or you can choose smile in contentment.

You can choose to be a victim or you can choose grow in resilience.

You can choose to be blind with narcissism or you can choose see everything with compassion.

You can choose to be smug with selfishness or you can choose to be modest with selflessness.

You can choose to walk your own path or you can choose to follow without thought.

What do you choose?

Are you FIERCE?

Wow, 10 days till FIERCE!


I'm so excited about this event, it showcases women who make a difference and who have been recognized by their peers or colleagues. 


FIERCE is not a popularity contest, which is one of the main reasons I decided against a People's Choice award for the event. Thankfully I have a wonderful panel of judges (Erica Ehm, Connie Peters, Karen Kay & Kelly Falardeau) who are solely responsible for choosing the winners, allowing me to be free to produce this event. 


It's been a lot of work with a good learning curve this year, too, but I am pleased with the overall response I am getting from the nominees and sponsors, even the nominators. 


Of course with all of the positive there is the negative but that's OK, too. 


I know that once all is said and done, the positive will always outweigh the negative. Last year when the event was over, I left feeling disappointed about the overall event, thinking it could have been bigger, better and done on a more grande scale. This year, I aimed higher but with a bigger event comes a bigger workload and a LOT of early mornings. 


But that's OK too! 


Because to see so many deserving women recognized and honoured is gratifying in a way I cannot express. I hope they enjoy their spotlight and cheer each other on at the event because that is what FIERCE is really about; women celebrating each other's successes and supporting each other through their failures. 


It will be a great night with some of the most inspirational and empowering women I have ever had the privilege of meeting, as well as some women I've yet to meet.


Tickets are still available! Click here for details.


Come and be inspired! Are you coming to the event? Are you as freakin' PUMPED about this as I am?! What are you wearing?

Hey you, Judgy McJudgerton

Yeh, I'm talking to you.


I just read a post by Bored Mommy on Babble.com and, if I'm being honest here, I don't usually read mommy bloggers because they annoy me HOWEVER this post title caught my attention: Stop Judging Other Mothers.


Hell to the motherfuckin' YES!


I have seen a lot of twitter drama lately in the mommy industry and it honestly makes me want to bitchslap someone. Instead I take my frustrations out at Crossfit (seriously, you HAVE to try it. I digress, bear with me I'm on coffee #3 and well-rested after 11 hours of sleep. SQUIRREL!)


Ahem.

Twitter drama. WTF, ladies, are you in junior high? No. So quit acting like it. 


All this bullshit about breastfeeding, baby-wearing, nursing in public, discipline ("Gasp! Can you believe she spanked her child?!?!"), my-opinion-is-right-because-I-speak-the-truth, and other catty bullshit, is pathetic. 


Since when did you become all holier-than-thou, high-and-mighty?


Get off your high horse, honey. 

We all have our own ways of raising OUR kids. See that? OUR kids. Not YOUR kids. You raise yours, I'll raise mine. 


Do what you need to do to raise happy, healthy brats. I could care less how you do it, just quit with the fuckin' JUDGING.


When does the judging stop? Gay bashing? Racism? Do you judge someone based on their race or sexuality? Who gave you that right? Judging another MOM based on her choices as a parent to PARENT her own child is beyond words. Why do you care what choices she makes? Are they affecting you? Does her choice of whether or not she breastfeeds or baby wraps have a DIRECT impact on you? Probably not. So are you judging just to hear yourself speak? "I'm going to yell the loudest about my indignation of this woman's choices! How dare she choose something I don't agree with!"


Funny thing about choices, we live in a FREE country where women get the chance vote and *gasp* even become leaders of this country! 

Do you realize how stupid you look when you make catty comments? Or hide behind your twitter accounts? Oh yeh, you're tough online. It's easy to hide behind a computer and say things you would NEVER dare say to someone's face, isn't it?


I don't care what your choices are just don't force them down my throat unless you want to drop the gloves for real because I promise you, there is nothing I would say online or about someone that I wouldn't have the balls to say to your face. 


I am TRYING to create a community of NO CATTY BULLSHIT here, ladies. So grow the fuck up and quit with the mama drama. Learn to celebrate each other, work with each other and play NICE. Keep that school yard shit in the past where it belongs. 


I'm sick of seeing women tear each other apart with snarky ass comments, condescending tones and smug arrogance. You're not better than me, I'm not better than you and NO ONE is a better MOM than YOU ARE.


So why does it matter what you feed your kid, whether or not you swear in front of them, how you discipline (child abuse is not cool, btw, I do not advocate or endorse that but I have been known to swat my kids on the ass as they walk by) or ultimately how you raise your OWN children? 


The so-called self-proclaimed leaders/experts/whatever title you have given yourself need to recognize that if you are a business who is judging OTHER MOMs/women, you are only damaging your own reputation.


Yeh, MOM is the "anti-June Cleaver" magazine but I could care less if you bake from scratch and wear an apron everyday. I'm making my kids Halloween costumes, who am I to judge?


But right now, I'm judging you right now for being a judgemental biatch. 


So quit with the drama, quit with the bullshit and act your fuckin' age. 


Ahem. I have another coffee to drink.

Getting back to good

This time last year, I was in the middle of the worst depression I had ever faced. 

I was two weeks away from hosting the first-ever FIERCE Awards, and I had become a shadow of my former self. Where I was normally a colourful and vibrant person, I only emitted dull, grey energy. Where I had once had a zest for life that was contagious, I had become sad, lifeless almost.

I didn't want to host the FIERCE Awards last year but I was obligated to because there was a list of nominees who had already been denied their celebration in April because after my granpa died, I was too drained emotionally to get my shit together.

I started getting emails in May asking about the FIERCE awards and knew I had to do something to celebrate the wonderful women who had been nominated so I made it happen, and truthfully it was probably the real start of my healing process.

Looking back at the last year, I see myself for who I was, what I became, and the steps I took/am taking to get back to get back to where I was. 

I'm not proud of my behaviour. A lot of people who didn't know me but had met me were seeing the dark version of Tamara, not the REAL me. Maybe at the time that was the "real" me but it was not who I truly am.

Flash forward to this Thanksgiving and I am filled with gratitude for the people who helped me over these past couple of years and especially to Big Daddy who (for some strange reason that I will never comprehend) decided not to throw that wine bottle into a wood chipper knowing I would dive in to save it.

I try to practice gratitude every day thanks to my BFF and girl-version of Big Daddy, Karissa (seriously, they are so damn similar it scares me). Karissa gave me Louise Hay's Meditations to Heal Your Life and Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, ultimately forcing me to embrace my spirituality, hence practicing gratitude.

But today, looking back and reflecting on everything, I know how fortunate I am to be in such a better place, emotionally. 

This time next year, I hope to be blogging about how much healthier I am, physically. 

On my journey of getting back to good, my next and final step is my health. Last week I started Crossfit at Crossfit Aurora, and although I felt like puking after the first class, I went back the next day.

Because I am not giving up on myself. 

Not when I have so much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

14 Days till FIERCE...

FIERCE Awards are 14 days away (buy tickets or sponsor this event pretty please) *batting my eyelash extensions*


I started a new workout program with Crossfit Aurora on Monday that takes 3 hours out of my day (45 min there, 70 min Crossfit, 45 min home).


Halloween is sneaking up on me and I have costumes to make my kids (Oz wants to be Link, Lola wants to be Zelda) *SMH*


Lola will be SIX in less than a month so I have her birthday to plan and execute.


I am now involved in the Go Blue 4 U fundraiser to raise $$ for Mental Illness Awareness Week because it's no secret depression and I are archenemies. 


I've been up since 2 a.m. this morning, updating the MOM website because, you know, fresh content is always good!


And I haven't felt this energized or refreshed in a LONG TIME!! I thrive on this kind of pressure! But I learned from Danielle LaPorte to schedule "burnout time." She goes hard like I do and eventually needs to just "burnout." 


And that's OK. 


My burnout time will include a LONG OVERDUE trip to my happy place, SIN CITY, where I will be researching all things deviant and debauchery so I can report back to you with MOM's Guide to Vegas 2.0 (OK, it's not ALL deviance and debauchery but it sure isn't the PG Version for Moms!).


Before Ron and I escape reality to Vegas we will be chillin' out at the Jasper Park Lodge for their signature event "Christmas in November" which will be a nice way to wind down after the Tazmanian Devil that is my October.


I'm kind of spacing out right now, I can't believe there are only 14 days left until the FIERCE Awards. And I'm really sore from Crossfit *wince* but totally pumped to find a workout I love. 


If anyone wants to come and clean my house for me, I would be more than grateful and pay you in wine nipple pinches coffee :D It's good karma,  you know. Think about it :D


Later kids, I have a FIERCE gala to bring to life! *seriously, get your early bird tickets before 6 p.m on Oct. 7 or consider becoming a sponsor*

owwwmotherfkinowwwwww

I started Cross Fit on Monday.

#thatisall

Vlog to come. It's not pretty.

Thanks to Crossfit Aurora for putting up with my whiny ass while I get my badass self back into fighting form. And if you think I swear a lot on Twitter or here, come to a Crossfit class with me.

I can't type anymore now, it hurts.

Later.

t.