Get a Job

So. Before I met Big Daddy I had a great career as a sports writer and I was quite happy with where my life was headed.

I left the industry for a different path in life and have had no regrets (although I often wonder where I would be in that career now) because it has allowed me to have a  family and stay home with my kids during their younger years (Oz is now 9 and Lola is 5).

I never EVER wanted to be a stay-at-home MOM or a housewife (no offense to those who choose that life) because I have always felt I had a purpose in life, that I was meant for great things. Sounds arrogant, I know, but I totally don't mean it that way. What I mean is that I have always felt like my life was meant to inspire other people and through MOM Magazine, I think I am accomplishing that.

This past 18 months has sucked, personally, which has led my professional life to change dramatically as well but I have been plotting and planning since February ways to rise from the ashes once again because that is what I do.

I'm a fighter and  a survivor, I always have been and never stay down for the count.

This morning, after another 3:30 a.m. wakeup call from my inner alarm clock, doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the kitchen, fixing lunches for the kids & making breakfast for the little ingrates, I was enjoying a coffee at the table with everyone.

General chit chat was going on... nothing of any relevance, when Oz looked at me and said, "You should get a job." His snarky little tone (I still don't know if it was intentional) and that comment caught me way off guard and all I could do was take my coffee and leave.

Obviously he's nine years old and oblivious to anything in regards to my life or my daily struggles with the redirection of MOM or anything I do but that comment was a kick in the proverbial nuts.

For nine years I have stayed home, more so with Oz than with Lola because I started MOM after Lola was born, but I have always been home for the kids when they were sick, teaching them all the things they need to know in their formative years, being the primary caregiver as most moms are... you know, all the things moms do that go unnoticed.

 Now had I chose to go to work 9-5 my kids would have had a dramatically different life and our family life would be SO much different. I make sure we have home-cooked meals (most nights, I am human after all), breakfast is always healthy and fresh, I'm always home when they get off the school bus... you know, little things like that.

Lately I've been getting the MOM Guilt ... "You work too much," "You're always on your computer," "You never send time with us..." The thing is, I HAVEN'T worked in 18 months, so now that I am spending a ridiculous amount of time doing anything to rebuild what I let fail (is fail the right word?), the kids are becoming more clingy because maybe I'm not at their beck and call anymore.

Lola has developed this... neediness for me that she never use to have. Oz is making comments like "Get a job" when he complains that I "work" too much.

Fuck. It's one of those days where I feel like disappearing on a road trip and truly letting them fend for themselves to see how lucky they are to have the best of both worlds.

I don't know, maybe in some ways I needed to hear that (jackass) comment from (brat) Oz.

Time to implement some of the elements of MOM that will bring it  back to being a viable business, I mean after all this isn't a hobby.

t.