Dear Diary: Where'd my life go?

As I sit here at 1:36 a.m. on a Sunday morning, staring at the chaos that is my office, my thoughts drift to Sunday mornings of years past. Clubhopping, dancing, drinking, going out with the girls, not always going home with them...

Ahhh, the insanity of youth. During my 20s, I lived my life much the same way as I live it now - to the extreme. I am an extreme person with extreme tendencies. Perhaps it is a Scorpio thing, perhaps that's just my personality, I don't know.

As I got older and settled down, I found myself looking forward to turning 30. So many women I know dread turning 30. I truly don't understand it. I looked at turning 30 as a blessing. I made it out of my wild youth without too many scars and a tonne of life experience.

At 30, I knew myself better than I did when I was 20. I was more confident - as opposed to arrogant (which on occasion I still am) - I was more comfortable in my own skin and not as prone to feel unworthy because I wasn't a size 0 or look like the starlet on the red carpet.

Now, at 32, I am proud to tell people I'm 32. It isn't a big deal, this age thing. Yet most women seem determined to keep their age a secret. Why????!!!! Why all the secrecy about age! What is the big deal?

Looking at society today and all the problems younger people are facing - never mind the syphilis outbreak in Edmonton and the shootings at universities - I can't see myself wanting to be that age again. I lived it, I loved it, I learned from it.

I see each year that I live as a blessing and I look forward to each birthday. As each birthday passes, it means more time with Ron. It means I get to see my kids grow. It means I am LIVING life. Not hiding from it and denying the passage of time.

I have earned every ounce of cellulite and stretch mark on my body. I have this nasty little one inch frown line beside my right eyebrow that WILL NOT go away. It sometimes pisses me off but then I hear my friends talk about getting botox and lipo and whatever else and I realize that line will always be a part of me because DAMMIT I've earned it!

Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge anyone their beauty treatments - God knows I'm the first one to talk about my breast reduction/lift and flaunt my now perky boobs! Whatever makes you feel good, is great.

But now it's 2 a.m. and if I had my choice of being 22 again and stumbling home from the bar at this time or being 32 and knowing I can crawl into bed with the most WONDERFUL man in the world... it's a no-brainer.