Dear Diary, I'm not gonna bitch about the weather I've got other things on my mind...

Edmonton is in a cold snap - Friday, we were the coldest place in North America and the 2nd coldest place in the world, trailing Siberia...

Yes it's cold. Quit your damn bitchin' already.

It has been a hell of a month.

Hell being the operative word.

I plan too much and since there is only one of me, I burn out. It happens. Magazine planning, production, design, sales, writing, art direction with the photo shoots, the trip to Ottawa, working on the website, updating the Facebook group, designing media kits and sponsorship packages for the Shopping Soiree, planning the Shopping Soiree, working an 11-hour day of the event, distribution of the magazine...

And the cycle continues.

Granted I won't be going to Ottawa next month but there is always something going on ... like out FIERCE Women of the Year inaugural gala in April. Event planning, finding sponsors, putting it all together...

Fuck. WHY do I do this??

Really? I'm asking you. Because I'm at the end of a rapidly fraying rope and ready to hang myself with whatever is left.

My grandfather is in the hospital. I took him there last week, the Sunday after I got back from Ottawa.

He is so weak and ill. He is 6'2 and weighs 138 pounds. He has wasted away to skin and bones, suffers from Osteo-arthritis, can barely move and is in constant pain.

He is literally the only family member I am close to. Him and my grandma were the only one who has always been there for me. My grandma dies 15 years ago and my granpa has never recovered. He misses her terribly.

I was suppose to be out distributing the magazines today but I got a call from my granpa asking me to come to the hospital.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"No."

When your frail, old grandfather calls you from the hospital to ask you to come and see him, you go.

Magazine, be dammed.

My grandfather needed me and I went.

I brought him hot chocolate and sat with him for a couple of hours. He's a fighter - ornery, stubborn, independent... but I think he realizes that he needs assistance and that has hurt his ego.

I'm worried about him. I hate seeing him so weak. It breaks my heart. And I'm heartless to begin with so for me to even open myself up like this is a big deal... to me, anyway.

I have so many ideas and plans for MOM but I feel so ripped apart from stress and fatigue. I'm emotionally drained and really tired. And all for what?

Because I still think MOM needs to be out there. The message that "Life as a MOM doesn't mean life as a WOMAN has to end" is needed by you. Or, at least that's what I think.

To quote the egocentric Charles Barkley, I may be wrong but I doubt it.

Pick up the latest issue and let me know what you think. Oh, and be sure to check out our newest MOM blogger, Sharp-tongued MOM ... she's feisty, snarky and will make you pee your pants laughing. And then she'll make you recycle something because she's weird that way.

Stay warm... and find something else to bitch about because if the weather is your biggest complaint in life, you've got it pretty damn good.

t.