Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be haters

I've always had issues with societies idea of beauty and weight, even when I was at my most fit (right before I got pregnant with Lola, and let me tell you I was bangin' hot, sexy fit!) up until now when I've gone through a few of the worst years of my life and am at my heaviest (soooo not me but I am getting back to healthy although I will NEVER give up my wine or coffee).


Lately I've been watching the comments on twitter made about starlet Demi Levato, who I really know nothing about other than she's young, recently went to rehab for an eating disorder that she battled since childhood, depression (she was diagnosed as bipolar) and cutting (she was photographed a couple of years ago with scars on her wrists, something she hid from her parents). 


In April, Demi gave a full interview on 20/20, opening up about her life and the struggles she faced as a child star, being called fat and how it led to the eating disorder. 

Last weekend at the Much Music VMA's, Demi was photographed on the red carped with her friend Selena Gomez. 

And then the twitter backlash started.

Tweets from all over calling her fat. 

In a classy move stemming from an obviously new mindset, Demi's only comment to the public was:  

Guess what, I'm healthy and happy, and if you're hating on my weight you obviously aren't. :) #UNBROKEN

Now I realize how easy it is to judge people and hide behind the anonymity of twitter or facebook or a blog but the reality is parents can no longer be allowed to raise hateful, spiteful kids. 

I have a daughter who is 5 years old and I will not allow her to grow up with an unhealthy body image or thinking that having curves is wrong. Right now Lola is a string bean but I have a sneaking suspicion she will take after me with boobs, hips and a butt, and I don't want her thinking she's "fat" because she is blessed with curves.

My mom used to refer to Twiggy and other models as the "ideal" body type and I was always self-conscious of my curves but I was never overweight (until the last few years). It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I embraced every fabulous inch of my curvalicious body that I became comfortable in my own skin, and I don't want that for Lola. I want her to be healthy, happy and grateful for what she has not for her to look at other girls and wish she had their body type.

Parents are responsible for changing the mentality that is "acceptable" in society and we can't let our kids (boys OR girls) think it's OK to make fun of someone based on their weight. 

Parents tend to pass down their own belief systems to their kids whether it's politcs, religion, lifestyle habits or whatever but we also pass down our insecurities, our way of treating other people and other life lessons intentionally or not.

Show don't tell

I learned a great lesson when I studied Journalism in college from a brilliant prof who shaped my thinking in a lot of things I do today but the one thing I took with me into life was the lesson "Show, don't tell."

Great lesson for a writer but a FANTASTIC lesson to learn as a human being.

If you're a mom who obsesses about your weight, your kids will pick that up whether or not you actually complain about your weight around them or obsess about it just through your actions.

If you're the mom who watches Entertainment Tonight and your kids are in the room but they hear you make snide comments about Ke$ha's hair or Lady Gaga's nose or Anna's gap between her front teeth or that Angelina is WAY too skinny but Demi has pudged up... think about what you're teaching your kids.

Here's how: 

• Don't teach your kid to diet, teach them to make healthy choices.
  
• Instead of focusing on your worst physical traits, focus on emphasizing your BEST assets.
  
• When your daughter sees you put on makeup, remind them that makeup does NOT make you beautiful then go over the things that truly make her beautiful (she's kind, she's generous, she's thoughtful, she's intelligent, she's funny, etc)
  
• Find something good about everyone and point it out rather than pointing out their flaws. I'm in awe of Lola because everywhere we go she will go up to at least one stranger (with my permission of course) and tell them something she likes about them; their hair, their dress, their smile, etc). 

Kids are extensions of ourselves, we may as well make them BETTER versions of ourselves. We have the power to shape their mindsets when they are young, why shape them into some negative, disrespectful little bully who feels better about themselves when they belittle others?

Body shapes aren't a one-size fits all

 

This generation of MOMs has a REAL opportunity to change a lot of the traditional stereotypes by changing the way our kids perceive the world and how they treat others.

No one is perfect and we all have our moments but overall we need to really make some serious changes with the way people think and it starts within our own homes.

Body shapes aren't a one-size-fits-all. 

Cheers!

t.