Edmonton's Notorious Cromdale slated for demolition

That was the Edmonton Journal headline I read as I was trying to fall asleep tonight. Yes, I keep my BB with me at all times, even in bed, and I find that reading the news is a great way to fall asleep.

I can't even begin to tell you how many conflicted emotions I have about the Cromdale Hotel.

Most of my childhood memories involve that rat trap in one way or another.

We lived in a house directly behind the Cromdale when I was about four years old. My mom worked there as a waitress and it was at the Cromdale where she met the man who would be instrumental in making the rest of my childhood something I'd rather forget and have had to bury in order to survive. He is the reason my adult life has been filled with nightmares, anger and hate.

Good ol' Cromdale.

I remember sleeping in the car outside the Cromdale, waiting for him & my mom to finish drinking.

When we were old enough to be left at home, 7-8 years old, I remember phoning the Cromdale and paging my mom only to be told by the person on the other end that they didn't page anyone. Even at that age, I remember being cocky and pulling attitude with whoever answered the phone, saying, "Listen, let me talk to Mike or Stan (the owners at the time) because he knows my mom!"

Sometimes, she would call me back. Most times, she didn't.

There is not one year of the 15 years I lived at home that didn't involve that place in one way or another.

Walking to Klondike Days, we would have to walk right by the Cromdale to get to the grounds. I remember thinking that if we could just get past that block, we'd be OK. Even taking the bus to school was frustrating because anytime the bus stopped in front of the Cromdale, I always wondered which scumbag would get on.

The number of times my mom came home from that bar, bruised, bloody and battered are too many to count.

My mom left her soul in that place, I'm sure of it.

The Cromdale was always there, attracting the lowest of the low: hookers, strippers, drug dealers, low life criminals. If you wanted to get into that life, the Cromdale was the place to network.

I've been in the lobby, I actually had a drink for my 18th birthday with my mom, sort of a "bonding moment" for us. When I came home from college on the weekends, if I ever wanted to find my mom, I would stop in at the Cromdale to look for her.

I always felt like I was better than every single person in that place. Like I couldn't be bothered to make eye contact with them or associate with them because I was never going to be like them.

It was a filthy place. I hated it. And yet I have mixed emotions about it being demolished. I mean, it needs to go, that community will never achieve the goals they have if that building stays, even if it has been condemned since 2004.

But for me, the Cromdale makes the demons of my past real. It is a landmark that will always be in my memories. It is something tangible to associate all of the bad stuff with.

Maybe demolishing it will help me release those demons, I don't know. But I can still see the inside of that bar. I can still see my mom sitting in a booth, not much older than I am now. She was 36 when I turned 18, so, yah.

Wow.

The mere mention of that place has dredged up all of these feelings.

I couldn't even relax enough to sleep, I needed to get this off my chest... release it to the universe.

I hate what the Cromdale stood for and now, it will stand no more.

But the demons that place have created for me, will live on forever. Or until I can afford a damn good therapist!

C.R.U.D

The community remember and the community that is now, 2009, are completely different.

Since I couldn't sleep, I did a little bit of research about the Cromdale and found this organization, CRUD (Community Response to Urban Disorder).

They are a group of people who are making changes and taking back the community from the drug dealers and prostitutes. I can only hope that they continue to be the voice of the people who live in that community because, for the most part, they are good people.

Check them out at www.crudedmonton.org

As for me, I feel like this could very well be a huge step in my healing process. Because as deep as I bury those demons, they're still there. They need to be demolished, too.

t.